Family relationships go through many highs and lows over the course of a lifetime.
I am blessed by having more highs than lows. It makes me proud that my three children have learned to use their own initiative when appropriate and fight for causes they believe in.
One example which brought me to tears of joy the first time I witnessed it was a Friday Night Supper Club founded and organized by my daughter, Alison.
Her son, my grandson, Gibson has special needs. He has Phelan-McDermid syndrome, caused by chromosome deficiency, the deletion of the terminal end of chromosome 22q13, a rare genetic condition.
Gibson is now 19, very tall, non verbal, enjoys his iPad and has certain programs he loves to watch over and over again. He likes his food and is a good eater but needs to be fed by others due to lack of muscle co-ordination. His disposition is positive, and loving. He needs care 24/7. He loves being spoken to directly.
Gibson loves to socialize but most people do not speak directly to non-verbal persons, they are not sure how to behave so address the parents if they have questions and ignore the person or child to whom they are referring. The child loves it when spoken to directly, but it’s all too rare.
Gibson needed to socialize with others, Alison needed to meet and help other parents, as did other mothers and caregivers dealing with their children who also have special needs, it was a niche waiting to be filled. It took a lot of preparation and persuasion, but Alison was persistent and along with another parent persuaded the local council to give it a trial run. Suitable premises were found and parents and caregivers were invited.
Taking a child whose behaviour maybe erratic or unusual to a restaurant or to any public facility is something many parents feel hesitant about, so the parent, as well as the child, lacks socialization.
The supper club addresses all of those concerns and parents welcomed the invitation.
Teens from local schools were invited to use their volunteer hours to help organize the event. It was to be a potluck supper for all involved, for those with special needs, their mothers and caregivers and the participating helpers. Three levels working together and learning from one another.
It's a brilliant concept. The clients with special needs recognize others who are similar and enjoy being among others with similar problems. The positive ambience in the room as all meet is wonderful. The parents and caregivers can relax as no-one is going to judge them, or look askance at their child’s behaviour. Everyone expects and understands the difficulties.
The teens volunteering from school learn about special needs, about how to deal with feeding, helping fulfill the needs required, they get to know the children personally and come to care for them. A couple of teens still visit by choice several years later as they enjoy the event.
I have been in the UK twice on different occasions when the Friday night supper club took place and each time I was moved and impressed with how smoothly the operation ran. The teens organize an art table, they paint tee-shirts, make decorations and help clients with creative endeavours. One room is decorated like a disco with a strobe light and dancing is encouraged. Some are in wheelchairs but most of them love music, and the accompanying grins endorse that feeling.
The food, which is always delicious and plentiful is subsidized in part by the city council, and brought by parents who can afford to provide something.
At the close of the evening all left overs are packed into Tupperware containers and given to those with the greatest need.
Dealing with children and adults who require full time care can be exhausting and the supper club offer a few much-needed hours of complete acceptance in comfortable and loving surroundings. What a treat to witness. I hope this idea spreads to other communities and countries, it is so worthwhile from so many perspectives.
But it takes the willingness and energy level of a parent who understands the needs to begin something similar. It also takes a lot of overcoming rejection and continuing to fight for their belief.
After several years of success, the good word has spread and at their Christmas supper over 50 people were in attendance.
It is an event charged with hope, positivity and love for others. It has been such a success it has caught the attention of the media and I hope other councils will consider setting up similar events.
It is when we take time to find out the real needs of people, then gather to try to fulfill that need with care and unconditional love, that we nurture our own souls.
Well done Alison and friends. It is a very special event and when negative events in the world overwhelm me, I think back to those suppers where true differences are enhancing the lives of those involved.
For me, being able to witness them firsthand made me very proud of your accomplishment.
