Due to the recent tragedy of the death of the actor Matthew Perry, who was on the TV sitcom “Friends” for years, there has been a lot of discussion about the importance of friends.
Many felt they knew him which is why his death has received so much more coverage than the thousands of horrendous deaths in the Ukraine and Gaza.
The more you feel you know about a person the more likely you are to care. A quote from Maya Angelou. “Friendship takes work, finding friends, nurturing friends, scheduling time to meet is a huge amount of work, but once you put in the effort the rewards of positive and deep friendships will make your life extraordinary”.
It is not easy to define friendship as there are many different descriptions and varying levels of intensity in friendships.
The accepted definition of a friendship is "a state of enduring affection, esteem, intimacy, and trust between two people.”
Often those who are by our side throughout life’s ups and downs, we enjoy their relationships throughout our life span. In all cultures friendships are of major significance to our overall well-being. A great friendship is irreplaceable, it can inspire you to grow into a better version of yourself.
A friend is one of the best things you can be and one of the best things you can have. Best friends are people in your life who make you laugh louder, smile brighter and live better and accept you and your shortcomings. It is accepted as the greatest gift in life.
Close friends are those rare people who ask how we are, then listen for the answer, and accept us unconditionally without judgment.
How we select and how friends are made is interesting. We may have common interests, common background, likes and dislikes, shared history, or they may be people we cross paths with regularly. Some friendships are short term, they could be described as friends of the road. These are friends who we may be on a committee with or in a class with, for a designated length of time, but once over we go our separate ways. Others are lifetime friends which could be described as friends of the heart.
Friends of the heart are those who, no matter how long between meetings, when we connect, we pick up from where we last left off with no hesitation. They are friends who we will happily go out of our way for when they need help. They are people who would willingly do the same for us.
With time our friendships change, some we lose touch with, others we gather on our journey. During the pandemic I got to know my neighbours much better and my Facebook friends too.
One of my sites during COVID was called Worldwide Jingle Bells, it began for Christmas 2019.
At 6 p.m., their local time, all members of the Worldwide Jingle Bells group on Facebook were invited to go outdoors and ring a bell, photograph it and share the post. Thousands did, from Australia, Japan, Europe, Scandinavia, the U.K. and everywhere in between especially in North America.
It was so positive and so popular that during the pandemic the administrator of the site in the U.K. decided to keep it going. Only positive uplifting comments with no politics, religion or controversial subjects, each post was upbeat, and managed by a very strict administrator who volunteered hours of her time for our benefit.
It made people smile, find common interests, we shared scenes, recipes, and happy thoughts. When I posted a photo of a Christmas pudding dozens of people, including a woman in Milwaukee named Diane asked me for the recipe, which I willingly shared.
Over the years many of the postings from Diane matched my thoughts, my own outlook on life and she felt like a kindred spirit. I reached out and told her so and we became firm friends on Facebook even though we have never met in person. Normally I would only friend people I had met in person. I would love to meet Diane and hope one day I do. I guess it’s like the pen pals from years ago, we share a lot of information and I feel comfortable telling her anything.
When we lose a close friend, even if it is expected, it is a loss we grieve. Often, we find out more about them at the funeral or celebration of life than we ever knew. It is sad that we keep much of ourselves hidden from others for fear they may disagree or not understand, or even reject us. Normally the more honest we are and the more we share, the closer we become, and learn just how much we all have in common.
Some friends come, some go, some remain for a lifetime, but all are valuable. Let your friends know how much you value and appreciate them; we do not compliment one another often enough. Everybody needs to feel cared about.
Then there are acquaintances, people we recognize and are pleased to see, who may make us smile, but who really don’t know much about our everyday lives, or our history. None the less they play an important role in our lives and help knit our community together.
I am lucky to have many friends, some very close who know a lot about me, with whom I have shared my mistakes and life challenges. We have grown closer over the years and the more we share, the closer we become. We laugh a lot, often at ourselves as we struggle with aging when the mind and the body are not compatible.
So to my family my friends, neighbours, and acquaintances, I appreciate that you’re a part of my life.
Speaking of friends, if you are free, please come to the Studio 30 art exhibit between 6 p.m. and 8 p.m. on Nov. 22 at the Cambridge Centre for the Arts, in the gallery. View our work, share some camaraderie and goodies, and greet your friends. And perhaps even find a Christmas present. The show runs from Nov. 22 to Dec. 16.
