After his son Gordon took his life in 2014, Cambridge father Ken Debney vowed to dedicate his time and energy to destigmatizing the controversial subject of suicide and advocating for mental health resources.
Now heading into the 10th annual fundraiser in memory of his son, Debney and his family have more than lived up to their promise to help turn whispers about suicide into screams for community support.
Not only has the family worked tirelessly to change the conversation about the once-taboo topic by speaking openly about their own experiences, their annual Suicide Prevention Fundraiser event – set for Friday, Sept. 15 – is on target to raise an accumulated total of $100,000 in its decade-long journey.
“There’s no doubt in my mind that we’ll get to $100,000,” assured Debney, during an interview with CambridgeToday.
Funds raised have benefitted the Canadian Mental Health Association Waterloo Wellington’s suicide prevention programs and Here 24/7 mental health and addictions support line, as well as the Salvation Army’s Hope Line in previous years.
This 10th anniversary suicide prevention event will be the last, however, as the Debney family plans to focus on spending more time with their two grandchildren.
It was just time, said Debney.
“It was a tough decision to make,” he noted. “We made a commitment to Gordon and I know we fulfilled that commitment.”
The event will be held at the Cambridge Newfoundland Club at 1500 Dunbar Rd., from 7 p.m. to midnight.
Entry tickets, available at the door and online, cost $20 and prizes include a Nintendo Switch Bundle, a $300 gift card bundle, as well as a host of feature prizes.
The fundraising project has taken a physical and emotional toll on Debney, his wife Christine and daughter Melanie, and the family was concerned about potential burnout. They also instinctively knew it was time to alter their healing journey by cherishing their newest family gifts.
“Having grandchildren was a bit of a turnaround, like a full circle with the grief cycle,” said Debney. “It felt like the right time to step away on the fundraising side.”
The Cambridge father is quick to note his family will support any other events and programs advocating for suicide prevention – just not one hosted in memory of Gordon. That’s a personal story, he emphasized.
The event served as a catalyst for the family, creating opportunities to connect with people and raise funds for a good cause, but more importantly, it gave them a venue to “shout out the message”, something that will continue long after the event ends.
“The messaging is more important than the money,” Debney insisted. “The money is important. It does a lot of good. One hundred thousand dollars does a lot of good and is something to be very proud of,” he added.
But there’s something uniquely powerful in knowing how conversations with people played a direct role in preventing self-harm and suicide, explained Debney.
“There have been a couple of cases, and my family can tell you, we’ve literally saved someone’s life. That’s what it has all been about. That energy will never stop. That’s something I will always do.”
Debney understands what it means to try to live in the dark eclipse of losing a loved one to suicide, but also how it is possible to come back to the light with hope. And he wants to communicate that message of hope for those who are still in the middle of that struggle.
It can sometimes require someone who’s been in that dark place to be the one to help lead others out of it.
“There’s just something about suicide that just adds a special level of grief,” he said. “It’s a club that nobody wants to belong to.”
Debney said his family is in a much better place now where memories of Gordon spark more chuckles than pain. And where Debney once felt compelled to apologize to his son for not knowing the mental health struggles he silently suffered, the Cambridge father now only feels a need to tell his son he was loved and it’s okay not to be okay.
His own personal reconciliation has taught him healing is possible and the same can be true for others, too.
“For people who are going through that grief cycle, it gets a lot better,” he said. “Time heals.”
Today is World Suicide Prevention Day, a day people in over 50 countries connect to assist in Creating Hope Through Action, an annual reminder from the International Association for Suicide Prevention "that our actions, no matter how big or small, may provide hope to those who are struggling."
The Debney family encourages anyone who knows of someone suffering to contact the Canadian Mental Health Association Waterloo Wellington’s Here 24/7 at www.here247.ca.
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