Piece of Mind: The perils and joys of online dating

The popularity of online dating sites were becoming an acceptable way to meet potential partners, until the pandemic changed the dynamics, making first time face to face meetings riskier.

My first experience with online dating was three years after my husband Stuart had died. I read a profile of a man who interested me, he was not, like many, trying to impress but sounded honest and sincere. After a few exchanged emails just prior to us meeting, he had a situation arise that prevented it.

Armed with advice from my kids as to how to behave in case after 40 married years I had lost the ability to think smartly, I tried someone who looked a little like him. A big mistake! Bob and I were to meet at the Butterfly Conservatory. My idea so we had an interesting distraction turned into quite the story.

Conversation was awkward and stilted, we did not click, so he wandered off to take photos. Shortly after I heard a ruckus and saw Bob strewn across the path white as a sheet, his camera and specs scattered. My first inclination was to run, but instead I graciously called the staff.

Earlier when I had suggested he hang up his leather jacket before entering the humid hothouse, his response was it had cost him $8 in Value Village, and he didn’t want to have it stolen! The first red flag. Bob was escorted out of the humid conditions, still a bit lightheaded he was given juice and a muffin.

The real embarrassment came when I was asked for his contact details, none of which I knew. The staff knew me well and laughed, as have many others, when sharing this story of my first online date!

Deciding online dating was not for me, I sent an email to David, my previous choice. I gave my real name, as opposed to my online name, saying if his circumstances changed by Googling 'Jill Summerhayes' he could find out far more information than he ever wanted to know.

Several weeks later he did. We met and chatted for hours, both happily married for 40 years, both losing our spouses to colon cancer, both interested in travel, each loving Barbados where we had visited many times. We got along well and began dating seriously. When friends told me, he was nothing like my late husband Stuart, my answer was “If you have read a really good book, enjoyed the story, would you read it again or try another story which may be different but equally enjoyable.”

That was more than eight years ago, and we married in 2015. It has been unexpectedly good relationship for both of us and David has never worn his leather jacket in a hot house, nor has he fainted! 

Couple’s often hide the fact they met online, but by sharing our story, we met many couples who had successful relationships. Should you go online, tread carefully, do read between the lines, avoid sending money no matter how sincere the person seems. It can be a great way to meet a suitable partner, but you might get a few duds first, or even a fainter! Not all frogs are princes.